How to Answer Stupid Questions About Your Tattoo
This is for anyone who wants to know the answers to all the silly questions about tattoos that they have wanted to ask over the years.
Yes, they are silly questions. Most of these questions, when directed to someone with tattoos (particularly if you have none) can make you appear to be a condescending a******. Yeah, I won't say it here.
When asked these questions in normal scenarios, I try to remain articulate, although I can't say I have much patience (unless the questions are asked by children, because they are asking out of genuine curiosity, not because they are trying to be superior or judgmental).
Either way, read on for some cynicism and a touch of humour as I answer these questions the way I hope I remember to when I am actually asked.
1. Will You Regret Your Tattoo When You're Older?
Well, first of all, I'm not a psychic, are you? How can I predict what I will be feeling at a particular point in the future? You're the weirdo for even asking!
Secondly, I try to never regret anything, because it means that, at some point, that thing made me happy. Why regret something that made you happy?
Finally, I can only surmise that by the time I have retired, I may very well be bored of my tattoo designs. However, that can also be said about many other parts of my body. I can also expect to be sick and tired of my spare tyres as well as my wrinkles by that time!
In other words, I am not living for when I am older. I suspect that I may grow tired of them eventually, but they are part of me and will age as disgracefully as I do.
Are Tattoos For You?
2. What Will That Tattoo Look Like When You're Older?
Absolutely badass, that's how! I can't say how well the tattoos will age, how great the colour will last over the decades or whether everything will shrivel or stretch. I can say one thing, though, I will definitely not have a blue rinse and wear a tweed coat. I will continue to rock it, even as a granny!
3. Are Your Tattoos Sore?
No, not at all. Is that what you want me to say so that you can go and get one?
Think about it; you are having needles dragged through your skin while vibrating at high speed. Of course, it is sore!
However, the pain is bearable. I would liken it to an intense friction burn. You yourself will know your own pain tolerance levels, so think about how you normally deal with pain before signing up to a 3-hour session in the ink chair.
One further thing I will point out is that your tattoo method can determine how painful it is, as well as the location of the tattoo that you want. I have had the majority of my tattoos done with a machine, and one traditional Japanese tattoo, which I fell asleep during, so I would definitely say the traditional method isn't as painful.
Was Your Tattoo Sore?
4. What Do Your Parents Think of Your Tattoos?
Quite frankly, I don't care is the simple answer.
I don't feel that I need anyone to validate my life choices by liking them.
However, that being said, my parents are particularly supportive of my tattoo habit. In fact, they regularly buy me tattoo vouchers as birthday and Christmas presents, and I have only really paid for a couple of my own tattoos!
5. Aren't You Scared You'll Catch Something?
Are you? I'm guessing you use public toilets and touch public doorways regularly, then perhaps reach your hand up and rub your eyes/nose/mouth. Yup, you're now diseased, and the antibodies in your body are working hard to make sure nothing comes of it. Welcome to germs. They are everywhere.
Seriously, though, when it comes to tattoos, there is a really easy way to ensure you don't get Hep or Aids or any of that: use a decent tattooist! The parlour that I go to is immaculate- you can smell the disinfectant when you go in. The equipment is thoroughly cleaned and autoclaved, and the needles are fresh out of a packet. I have absolutely no concerns with getting a disease along with my tattoo.
If an infection is what is putting you off getting ink, do some research about the parlour and artist you are going to use. I wouldn't recommend a tattoo party or similar set up, simply because someone willing to mix tattooing with alcohol in a dingy bar surrounding could too easily let the other standards slip.
6. Why Would You Do That to Your Body?
For the same reason that you dye your hair/pluck your eyebrows/shave/wear make-up/go to the gym, you get where I'm going here.
Tattoos make me look better, in my opinion, and therefore increase my self-confidence. It may be a strange concept to you, but believe me, there are stranger things in the world!
7. How Much Did It Cost? A Bit Steep, Wasn't It?
Yep, well, you really do get what you pay for, and tattoos are no exception. I might pay a lot for my ink, but I can be assured that it will last for decades with no fade at all. One of my tattoos is already 12 years old, and is still pitch black!
Just because your mate's grandpa's dog can tattoo for £40 per hour, does NOT mean that you will get a good tattoo out of it. Please go ahead and learn this for yourself.
8. Will Anyone Hire You With That Tattoo?
Considering I have only been unemployed for 1 month of my adult life, no I am not concerned with getting a job. The great thing about my tattoos is that I can cover them with clothing.
I have looked in depth at whether tattoos should be allowed in the workplace, and have found that, basically, as long as they are not offensive or excessive (i.e. on face/ head/ hands) there should be no issue.
So again, please don't use this as an excuse not to get inked!
9. Do You Know That's Permanent?
...Sigh, yes I do.
Please feel free to comment with any other questions you have been asked over the years (tattoo related) that you really have had to stop yourself laughing out loud at. Sharing is caring!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2014 Lynsey Hart